When you have everything but sleep

I love my sleep. I am a great personality when I have had my night sleep in order. There is clear proof. No puff below my eyes. Happy smile. Great productivity as well as empathy for others.
I have spent my early years sleeping deep till afternoon. Me and my sister defined Sundays at home. We also have a common trait where we sleep when we are low or have too much to deal with. That is just how we stayed sane. It was fine till the work hours start extending. It is given in the Advertising industry that if you are indeed leaving from work on time it means you are not really working. That is also the age where you fancy working late, staying up late as you feel you can do all of it. And you tell your sleep to wait up for your youthful times. I did enjoy late night drives and food. I still do.

Then something changes post 25. It suddenly is apparent that you are not a Superhero. That every night you stay awake and still report to work on time next day has serious repucussions on the kind of responses that you give your customer tickets working in a Domain Registry as a Cyber Security Analyst. That was me 7 years ago. The next time you see your response, you will be shocked that you gave a reply like that. Its straight out of your REM sleep mode fantasies that pan out mixed with the awareness of the real issues being discussed. I so far remember I wrote something like ‘Kindly log in to your control panel and Click on unicorn.’

Post 26, you have the experience of the work world scenario, cheating bosses, broken relationships and you have now started being grateful to your mom who feeds you dinner. At this age, as per what happened to me, I was single and roaring. There was a fire within which came from a big F given away to everything that didn’t work out by the books and all that mattered is you keeping yourself busy and away from any of those self reflecting thoughts. So yes a workholic, deep sleep for 5 to 6 hours, staying longer than your work hours at work and a big hello to acidity. It takes that break down from the constant running away from your self and finally taking a break for your self. (I totally recommend a 10 day Vipassana course at any age crisis point in your life.)

This stage of life is the best. The teething period is over and you are a seasoned youngter with some maturity and experience. You have become aware of the things that make you happy, that are necessary for you and which you cannot do without. Food, sleep and Sitcoms. Now you do not want anyone else to take this away .

30 is life changing. Especially if you have been running and struggling to keep a startup afloat and you didn’t care till now if you are sleeping well. But now you do.

Incidentally, even though you need it, value it and crave it, you are miles away from getting that nap which is calling out to you. You dream about having it. You plan it in your calendar. You schedule your relationships around it. You also excuse yourself from parties early. But goddamn the miracle that this sleep is the high maintenance girlfriend that I keep chasing. And it seems just so not enough. 

The grown up responsibilities, value of home cooked food, hungry pets and people who ask you to spare a little sleep for love are inescapable, aren’t they? 

I just might use a too busy tactic one day and go off to a cosy place in the mountains away from humans and blame the bad network later for a much needed snooze. 


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