The ex files

Rene had enough! Her phone flung across the bed and landed near Susan’s nose. The screen showed followers on Insta and an ex girlfriend of Rene’s boyfriend. He had commented below her picture as Timeless beauty. Rene remarked aloud with dramatic hand gestures “And now he considers her a timeless beauty?  6 years after leaving her and waiting for ‘Time” to heal her and make her move on, so he could conveniently enter her life as a social media appreciator.”

‘Why so obsessed with all the exes? Do you have to follow them and search them on Facebook from time to time? Does he need a mental calculator of the fact that people can really be better off without him? Or he has to show that he is a good guy appreciating these women who he left conveniently when something new was brewing. Why the obsession now?”

“Here’s a question. Argument sake. What would you do with a lot of time on your hands and age gone by? Same. Wonder about what could have been? Maybe he is just curious.Uncle is getting older. Age does funny things to people.” Susan blurted with the oreo breaking up in her mouth.

Rene: ‘Its different. I cannot imagine any of those losers again in my life. Whats done is done. I wonder about being a pilot when I was younger’

Susan rolled away her three tiers of belly fat while balancing the 5 cookies in a saucer from the bed and sat face to face with Rene.

“Ren, we are all obsessed. Your guy seems to be obsessed about knowing everything everybody is doing. Its just not your thing. Its ok. Don’t dump him over this and give a My life is serious excuse.’

Ren was not happy. She huffed and puffed her cigarette and squeezed her morning waves of undisciplined hair.

‘Why do I have to see this again and again.. jeez, its five years. Just when I confess to myself that he is the one and I really need him.. I have to go ahead and see his ex’s name typed fresh in his Facebook Search. Who is he… the Dalai Lama of exes?’

Susan: “Why do you care?’

“Because it makes me wanna flirt with my exes just to be one up to ‘his holi social media giving.’

The cookies fell in different directions as Susan spewed her laughter.. the real one where she just couldn’t control.

‘Would you torture yourself just to make a point. Ren.. it was bad enough the first time.” Susan turned red with a chuckle.

Ren: This love stuff is a mother fucker. I would like him to not exist in my life at all. And yet he is there everywhere. In the morning, in the office, in my face… how much he loves me and how we belong together in this life. My ass. All the while glued to his phone wondering what his ex would be eating for dinner.’

It was a poison coming out of Ren’s system and only because Susan was there.

Susan: ‘Let it out my child. All your feelings. You have discussed enough with him. He is not going to explain you WHY he is obsessed. Just like Samantha quoted in Sex and the City, Men cheat for the same reason dogs lick their balls. Because they can.’ Your boyfriend follows his exes just because he can.’

Ren: “Ohh yeah, and then he feels awkward about a Tinder app blinking on my phone. What a poor hypoocritic soul!

Susan: If he does follow and is going to continue to follow around his exes like a dog who sniffs everything around. (chuckles) He is a dog isn’t he? LOL. What you going to do?

Ren puts her head down and releases the tears she never thought she had. “I don’t know what to do.”

Susan: “Thats a good sign. Why don’t we take it from there? Lets forget he exists”

Eyes rolling Ren, ‘Yeah right!’

Susan: Lets just forgot he exists in your mind. That is where he is present, all the time. Why not distract? What about you? What would you want out of your time if he fails to occupy your mind with who he is obsessing about.’

And there went Susan’s roaring laughter again. It was difficult not to laugh at her attempts to make this so light and easy on Ren.. that Ren gave up and joined in.

Ren: ‘Wanting to play an outdoor sport, Tennis. And yeah, travel. And Shop. Spend more horrible cookie and coffee mornings with you. Dream about the American lover.’

Susan and Ren chuckled..

Ren: ‘I get it. I am obsessed too. With him and what he is doing. Its definitely a deal breaker. The exes in his life, who keep making appearances on his phone, in his feed, in his followers. It is annoying. It makes me wanna disappear on him right away because there is nothing to say.  I just Hate it. I do. I even hate that I care.’

Susan: ‘Its okay to feel. I am glad you are this amazing human who feels. And don’t worry about the wrong guy, they leave when their time is up. So do not go around trying to end things. The right one will come when its right. Or better yet, many right ones will line up.’

Ren opens her phone and scrolls through the remaining followers on Insta. “Fuck!’

Susan: ‘What now?”

“He even follows my ex!”

Susan spilling coffee, ‘His Holy..ness!’

Coffee spilled. ‘Dump him immediately.”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s