‘When I think of my wife, I always think of the back of her head. I picture cracking her lovely skull, unspooling her brain, trying to get answers. The primal questions of a marriage: What are you thinking? How are you feeling? What have we done to each other? What will we do?’
As I watched this movie a few times, Fincher and his magic like the very first dialogue seeps into your imagination disturbing how u have related to anything before as fine and normal. It seems the wife, on whose side we are not on for most of the movie is a delusional, psycho who is creating this. Then we wonder just like the first line of the film… does it take a psycho to do this, or do the social arrangements we abide by have created the psychos within us? And taking us down that road, is what makes this film so interesting.
To be honest, I did not like this movie when I first saw it. But I did agree to a few things it highlights. Things like parents ruining the childhood of their daughter for a great selling fiction book, the pressure of maintaining the status quo, financial challenges tugging the bonds of marriage, loss of jobs, end of fairy tale, infidelity and the pain of being trapped in a show that you are not a part of and want to get out of. The wife disappears on their 5th wedding anniversary and a story unfolds.
It indeed is 5 year itch I feel, personally from what I have experienced to what most of personal accounts of people I have seen. Every 5 years, it seems a relationship undergoes a bold climatic change. Its like there is the you, the other person and the relationship as an entity. It demands growth, nurture and a path to go ahead. If any of these entities are not aligned to one another, that is enough of a basis that creates ripples that eventually surface and wreck things. Why is it so important to be aligned? It seems a relationship has a life of its own. And it needs what it needs.
Watching this movie is coinciding with a deeply emotional and scarring situation in a near ones life that kind of has me connected. Talking about this is courageous and like this movie, it is indeed psychotic. These are not the areas of life people talk openly about or acknowledge. We cannot have a non biased, non judgmental discussion about these finer elements in our adult life which form the basis of how much we will be happy, how will we deal with things we do not expect or fear will happen and the ultimate fear of is-it-so-bad or ‘should I live with it’? These nuances affect us mentally thus creating patterns in our heads. They take away our trust, the need to love and be loved, if its a marriage then totally shakes our core and erupt every belief in our head. Because these damages are hard to bear, you are all alone to deal with them and unless you have strong mental strength, these can make you want to give up on life too and it does happen.
Long back when I first saw just how much of an entrapment it is to officially be recognized as someone’s spouse, what are the pressures that come with it and worse, what are the losses you deal with when it is all over, it is literally a rebirth. Your identity is skewed. And as a woman, it is so much more worse.
It is here that you realize the impact of labels on your life. Much later you understand it is futile to keep fighting them. Its a personal ride. Unless one goes through, one will never know what it is like. It is also the reason that most men and women do not ever gather the courage to walk out, face things and move on in life. Thus creating a life of poison with resentment and living all their life feeling like they have no control over anything. All they do is escape temporarily to feel the air of false freedom and get others in their pity boat so that they simply do not feel alone.
Suppressing feelings, suppressing your true expressions and forcing someone to do it should be a criminal offence. It is statistically proven to be the number one reason behind why a human being ever becomes a criminal. Its energy. Neither created nor destroyed just transferred.
This means there will be so many more victims of one relationship gone wrong and the one which is fed with poison.
And those who walk away from this valuing their sanity and letting others live should be rewarded. Because this system was never designed for you to be happy.
If you have found a way to make it work, you deserve an award too.
How many psychos are walking around us, living with us or staring down at us from the mirror everyday.. You ever think about that?