The Alpha

Who is an alpha?

Huffpost defined it as;

It’s the idea that in any given room, there is one person who is clearly in charge. They’re in charge not because they’re most qualified, or more intelligent, or most capable. They’re in charge because they’re the alpha: they exude a confidence that by sheer force of will makes others submit to them.

That’s fair. 

Another one is from the law of jungle point of view.

Alpha refers to a dominant person or their behavior, especially with respect to socially aggressive, hyper-masculine men. Some dudebros see alpha as a compliment and aspiration. Others people see right into the small, sad, insecure hearts of the trying-too-hard alpha. (I personally feel this definition is a cloudy version of the writer’s own view of alpha. 

The Alpha is someone whose shoulders are relaxed. Whose vision is straight. Whose breath is deep and consistent and whose stance is undeniably power. The confidence of which rakes the insides of all those who hide their own selves underneath afraid of someone opening it up to them when they least expect it. 

Read on ahead though. 

The Alpha has this stance not on some bright sunny afternoon when life seems to be going perfectly as per plan and feeling that fleeting feeling of all is well in their world. The Alpha stands this way, when her entire world is crashing all around her. When she may not have the last clue of how things are and will be here on. When she is at the center of an abyss of uncertainty where no one stands next to her. That. When you can breath and hold your stance and look at everything and face it, that is an alpha. 

The mind churns. What ifs, could, would, should. The frailty of what she wants to hold and the feeling of losing grip is in her head. She knows what battles await her. She knows they may drown her, fog her out and get her lost. Yet she sees beyond. How do they get it, one wonders. The knowledge of the beyond. The solemnity of knowing one would be damn fine no matter what comes. The Alpha has it. 

The Alpha gets it upon surrender. When she has drowned to her depths, utterly defeated by her fears, consumed by her worries and the ones who put her down, when she is spent and given up. When she lets go, admits the defeat and surrenders.. There. There is where she rises. That is how they see beyond. Because what is beyond really. Everything after what they experienced as the dark and the final. Where they realize one has to burn and die to the old ways, beliefs and the thoughts and stories, that is how the Phoenix rises. Not from the fire you see, from the ashes. From utter destruction. This is why destruction is so vital for the soul. How would it survive then; throughout years of evolution moving from man to man, ashes to dust and animal and plant.

The Alpha has a story. It starts when she is small. She has no idea who she is. But she sees. Everything as it is. A woman being beaten but who does not complain. A man beating her who will rip into pieces like glass if one word hurts his pride. She does not see the victim as anyone else would see the victim nor does she see the perpetrator in control of himself. She sees the strength of the woman that carries herself despite the hurt and the scars. And she sees the withered helplessness of the perpetrator. She wonders why does not this world change the meaning of victory, because it is never as it appears.

Years later, she is subjugated to these same values of a fragile sex feeling strong by putting the other sex down. She asks questions. Without logical answers she is not someone to follow what is because everyone does it. 

No one can answer her. And she fights alone. All the battles. They tire her. They bring her down. But they never can finish her. Each time she feels she had enough, a new surge to carry on fills her up. It’s almost the stardust inside of her is being taken care of by the mighty universe that wanted her to be as she is.  She wants to ask it to stop the madness yet she knows greatness is nothing without it. That everything you experience. Everything that happens to you is designed to add something to you. Nothing ever goes waste. Failure is never a bad word. Stopping yourself is. She confronts the fragile ones everyday. All you need is questions and she sees them break away. They cuss and wonder and hate her because her questions never break her. Putting her down and making her life tough does not take anything away from her. It amazes them. They are jealous they do not have a shred of her invincibility. Yet they yearn to see her broken. 

Slowly she builds herself not with hardness but the greatest fortress ever known to man. Her vulnerability. Her truth. It takes very few mortals to realize how powerful this instrument is. 

She never tells herself she is the victim. She loves and lets go. She still has more to give. She has a newness to each day, each experience that we so fear to carry on with. 

Her strength is her accepting her weakness. 

She does not have a hardened heart, she just gets a bigger, stronger one. It pumps more and is excited to do more. Love after all binds all stardust together. She believes innately in love. Even in her darkest moments when she wanted to give up she cannot shake the light that is inside of her. It was there and it will continue to be there even when she is not. 

She looks all around. Nothing is certain. No one is kind. There is nothing to hold onto. Nothing to lose. Would you consider that a weakness? Most would. 

And that is what makes her The Alpha. Nothing to lose. 

She has herself. That is enough. It scares the living daylights of the ones who betray themselves and hide in the shadows. 

That’s what makes an Alpha not reveal what she knows, who she is. She does not feel the need to explain herself. She has nothing to prove. She just is. And that is home. 

The Alpha embraces her mistakes like her biological children. She never sees them as something to be hidden or discarded like the fragile mortals coax her to do. She knows freedom, salvation and going beyond is only possible in acceptance of the total, the whole of you and the surrender. 

Her view of the world is so her own. She sees through all the bullshit and the fears people project to avoid asking what is bubbling inside of them. She knows there will be things known and things unknown. And one should focus on what one can control and let go of what one cannot. 

Hence her mind does not have the burden of rules and regulations and masks to put on. Her silence is stoic and perceptive. She knows everything and herself and that creates a solace in her breath, her stride, her movements and her actions.

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