A word you relate to only when your computer crashes and you pray with all your life that it starts to work as before and that all your precious memories are still safe inside the hard drive. My computer crashed again in 6 months. This time fell down hard with impact. As my fears compounded within a matter of seconds, I prayed for it to all be okay. Clearly it wasn’t.
My hard disk crashed. The last time it was an effort to retrieve my data and I had lost some of it. This time with the density of the thud I feared about my data.
My whole world just stopped. Oh, I know it sounds so dramatic but is it not? Its the most precious bag of memory outside of my brain that reminds me of my journey. A journey I sometimes feel so possessive about. Like my ultimate material wealth.
So what does one do in this scenario? After the panic and cold settle down and you realize you need to act to save whatever you can; I got the necessary installing of a new hard drive and a functioning laptop with no previous memory and it was in my hand within a few hours. As the technician handed me the earlier HD and said he could not retrieve any data from my hard drive and I should try to get it done from someone else; I looked at this drive the size of the palm top from the 90s and imagined my attachments to the era from 2007 till recently encompassing photos and music. In my previous hard drive crash I had already lost most of C drive documents and important word files. So this time it was just the pictures really.
Why does it matter so much? I ask myself. Even if it was an external HD. A fall would probably do the same to the reader. In that case does the theory of backup work? Sorry Google Photos. Too late is the right word.
It made me ponder. It was not just the backup. It was very much a part of my perceived identity. The story you could weave with what you kept going back to, visually.
Poetically, I have been presented with a clean slate of a memory. The older memories are safe inside an HD and I don’t know if I can access them but its right here with me. I am planning to keep it like a well guarded safe. Let it be. The data was corrupted because it made my processor quite slow. Now I have a fast machine that helps me put my work together.
Its an amazing analogy isn’t it, to what happens in life. Things crash, someone dies, you lose something and in a few moments your world turns upside down. How helpless we feel trying to make sense of the jolt and yet trying to find a way to survive it. When we gather our senses our first response is to try to and get things to go back to how they were. Because that is our comfort zone.
Here is the thing though, nothing grows in the comfort zone. Time and again change will knock us out not because someone hates us or someone wants to see us go, ‘Why me?’ but because we would never use all of our faculties to survive, reboot and move ahead otherwise. You will find many souls around you who spend their life trying to hold onto their ideas of what works for them so strongly that they are flowing through the river of life but holding on strong to a branch afraid to let go of what they know. The result – you are stretched, miserable and in pain, neither here nor there.
If and when things do break or change, have the courage to breathe and reboot. A reboot is sometimes all we need to bring in the much needed fresh air into our lives. Imagine a pot full of water with no space for anything new, when it breaks the water starts to flow. We are the same. We carry out memories, desires and simply flow through life. We don’t even have an idea of what life has in store for us. We should trust it and simply flow.
As for the memories stacked neatly in my second Hard drive of the year – I hope it stays there so I can focus on making new ones and flow through my life with a seamless and fast processing machine.