Every cell in my body wants to retire to bed and is telling me those dangerous words-‘Lets do this tomorrow’ and I am going to fight it right away.
I am a person who on a regular day has beautiful thoughts on how to go about creating the change needed in the world. I do not dwell on the problems but think hard about the solutions. My ideas do scare me at times. I try to keep them workable and also plan extensively with spreadsheets and iphone reminders. All well till here. My execution never goes as I plan. My resentment towards myself was increasing. Why can’t we just follow something every single day?
I decided to get down to the works. I decided to thoroughly investigate where this procrastination comes from because as far as my thinking was concerned I wanted to be on time, before time executing stuff and before my reminder went off. So what stops me?
The first discovery was laziness. This was investigated upon. Sure as hell it is the immediate judgment we have for our self and even a third person might tell us that. Or in case of my mother every single issue on this planet has only one answer – Get up early. As I checked, I was not lazy as much as I intended to. Because when I did a 5 month analysis of content produced I had done remarkable execution across platforms.
Second discovery then was that I am not happy with my execution. I want more. So lets say I get x things done; then I tend to pressure myself to do x X more. Because I base it on a simple calculation that the amount of time and effort can be covered in a sprint marathon into x number of days. And I clearly leave out the human part of the story aside.
Third discovery was Impostor syndrome. A very apt and solid reason as to why I felt unhappy about my work. Deep down embedded in me is a voice that goes “whatever you do, its not that good”. This is thanks to Indian parenting. Now that I am a grown up it is still something I cannot shake off. It trickles into perfectionism which means many drafts and all locked up. For every content I post there are a lot lying in my drafts, 5-6 videos for every 1 put out and countless pictures for every image that I put out.
4th discovery is to just be with all of this and more. What do I mean? I mean I am enough. I mean you are enough. Surviving today is something we don’t consider a challenge or something to be proud of. We are all mad in search of instant gratification, instant swipe, instant success. No one knows patience or resilience. The human race is this now, just a race and no human.
Slow down folks. Slow down. Things take time to be built. And the journey is never a straight upward stroke but a complete jumble. Why does this need to reminded again and again?
Terminal Velocity because the gravity of our old patterns and thoughts is too strong and pulls us back into old ways and self loathe and pity. You need a very strong push to get out of your own way. I need one right now.