Its the mask that sets us free
Kink. A topic of interest, squirm, judgment, denial and wonder.
Ask everyone who has been in a long relationship and they will tell you a time comes to spice things up. People have done things to give their relationship a new lease of life or to see if they could bring life to their withering relationships. Whatever was heard, kink was always in the closet with a long bare leg out.
Today kink is sitting in the living room looking at you with raised eyebrows.
As we go by our lives where having sex or making love seems like such an effort, an articulated system of verbal banter, toys and accessories to tie you, make you helpless comes to set you free.
As much as we may want to turn away, kink has entered our lives.
But when had it really left?
The old Kama Sutra book was a book meant for men to impress women and had exhaustive details to please the women. Accessories and the entire body was embodied as an erogenous zone to celebrate. In short, a lot was changed in the books and it became about women pleasing men.
We share a love and hate relationship with kink. We all have it to some extent within us but we love to push it under the carpet. The ones who aggressively push it under the carpet are doing exactly that inside their own heads. Denying something that is already there.
When all else fails to get our arousal center in the brain fired up, these variations come to the rescue. Do you see the irony of life those on the outside who are in control, get their dopamine fired and their body excited when they give up all control, and those that live subdued love the way power arouses them. Why this dynamic? As I wondered and read tons of experiences, I realized it all comes down to psychology and hence it comes down to the marks left on you in your childhood.
No one is safe in this life. No one. All kids in all backgrounds, in all parenting are reflections, projections and residual bins for their parents. So we all grow up with something or the other amiss. Sadly some have it worse than others. Some are so pampered they breed in narcissism. Neglect, abandonment, entitlement, superiority, camouflaging from reality, denying your reality; everyone has their own trauma response to life. It does not mean we are all okay and it also does not mean that we are all sick. We all have our own blue print.
Kink is a gateway mentally and physically in a space you can claim as your own. It sets people free. It gets them off. It gives them wings, It de-stresses them. Because we are all wearing masks all the time. Catering to how we should be in the society, in the office, in the world. We all need some place to call our own. Home is indeed a feeling. Familiarity is necessary for human connection to thrive. So is humans connecting.
Vulnerability is a sexy thing. It brings out of you as much and more as it does to the other. Raw honesty has the power to release your overworked defense mechanism. Vulnerability is being human, being a child, being a creature who needs need to be met.
When you discard or blur the labels, its all justified what we are all looking for. The ways may change, modify, amplify but the desire is carnal.
In the end, we all have a bit of kink in us. Denying it sometimes, may bring a monster out.
Take those masks away.
We need the real you.